Payback Thy Name is Muggle
by Shadow in Lightness
Summary: Hermione Krum returns to Hogwarts as the new Healer taking Madame Pomfrey’s position. Being a Dr. in the muggle world she uses both wizarding and muggle methods to take care of her duties at the school. Can seven years of making her life a hell make Herm
1. Chapter 1

AN: A new story that is based more on humor then romance but believe there will be some lemons in the later chapters. Let me know what you think about it, I'm excited about my plot that I have.

Hermione Krum smiled up at the gates of Hogwarts and waited for the Game Keeper to open the gates for her.

"Ermione, it's 'reat to see you again." Hagrid smiled down at her as he lowered the wards. "It's a shame 'bout your divorce."

Walking through the gates she smiled back at the half giant. "It's alright, we got married when we were really young and we now know it was a mistake. So it was only a matter of time before we needed to end it."

Quickly Hagrid dropped down and hugged her. "I'm 'appy for you. Most wizards will 'ever allow a 'itch to divorce them. Welcome back Madame Granger."

Hermione smiled, "Thank you Hagrid. I will have to stop by after I get settled. I really need to talk to the Headmaster first so I can get my rooms settled."

"Of course "Ermione, stop by when you can." Hagrid shut the gate behind them.

"Have a great day Hagrid," Hermione turned and made her way to the front doors of Hogwarts. Breathing deeply she tapped the door and waited for Filch to open them.

After a few minutes the double doors opened.

"Mrs. Krum what a dreadful surprise. And where is that husband of yours?" The smooth voice of Severus Snape bellowed out.

"It's; Madame Granger or Doctor Granger, Professor I do not use Victors name anymore. And you should know where Victor is since he did use to work here and gave up the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for the last four years and has given it up so that he could move back to Bulgaria." Hermione pushed past him.

"Madame Granger I would not have expected marriage to take your manners away. They usually say being married loosens you up a bit. I wonder if the rumors about you and the books are true." Severus smirked.

"And since when did you pay any attention to rumors Professor?" Hermione glared at him, "What rumor are you talking about?"

"Normally I would not be bothered paying any attention, but this one was quite amusing. I believe it actually made me laugh." Severus began up the stairs. "Are you coming? Or are you going to settle in the Grand Hall, I doubt changing at night right here in the Hall would not give you any privacy."

"Are you going to tell me what made 'The Great Professor Snape' laugh about or are you going to keep it to yourself and use it against me later?" Hermione picked up the hem of her traveling cloak and followed Severus up the stairs. Having to jog to keep up with him and his legs took him up faster then she was use to.

"The Headmaster and McGonagall are in France until Monday so I am required to show you around. But since you have read that damn book of yours I am sure you already know where everything is." Opening the infirmary doors he walked inside. "I am sure you are familiar with this room. You were here most of your seventh year."

FLASHBACK

Hermione woke up with a moan, "What day is it?"

"Miss Granger you're finally awake. Do not try and get u. You have been asleep for the last three months." Madame Pomfrey glided over to her side. "Do you remember what happened?"

"No not really, can I sit up please." Hermione asked, her head pounding and her eyes had not had the chance to clear yet.

"I'm sorry my dear, but you need to rest."

"I have been resting for three months already. When am I going to be able to get up and go back to class?"

"That is the problem. You won't be getting up anytime soon." Poppy stood up. "You were in a horrible fight you won the fit and saved Mrs. Malfoy, but you lost the use of your legs. We have done everything to fix the break and the damage done to your spine. We haven't been able to figure out why you can't walk when there is nothing wrong with you."

Hermione's face fell, "But there must be something you can do. I can't feel my legs so there has to be something wrong with me. You're a witch do something."

"I told you Miss Granger, we have done everything we can to try and fix it. For months we have been trying new charms, spells and potions to see if anything that would work for it."

"You're not trying hard enough. You're a witch; we are in the wizarding world. I have never heard of a wizard that couldn't walk." Hermione pushed herself up in bed. "If you will allow me access to the library I will find an answer."

"How do you expect to get there? Crawl?" Professor Snape asked, walking towards the bed.

"You know, you're a real ass, of course I am not going to crawl. And why are you even here?" Hermione glared up at her Potions Professor.

"Watch your mouth Miss Granger. Just because I can not give you a detention does not mean I can not take house points. I am here because I am the only one who can brew the potions that Poppy thinks might help you." Severus crossed his arms. "Why else would I be here? I could careless about the students from another house especially a Gryffindor Know-It-All."

"Severus, that's enough. It's good to finally see you awake Miss Granger. I have ordered what muggles call a 'Wheelchair' but it won't be here till the end of the week." Dumbledore smiled. "Although we do not have the means to allow you around the school. The only places besides here would be the library, and with some help down the stairs the great hall."

"Thank you Headmaster. I wish I could spend sometime in the library soon so that I can get some books to read. Is there any way I can do that?" Hermione smiled at the Headmaster. "I will go stir crazy in here with out anything to do."

"Mr. Malfoy will be around in the morning for his rounds. If you have a book in mind let him know and I am sure he will pick it up for you." Dumbledore sat down by her feet.

"I don't believe Malfoy would actually do anything for me. I'm just a mudblood remember?"

"Draco feels really bad that he ended up taking you with him that night. He feels like part of this is his fault. He owes you a life debt Miss Granger." Severus poured himself a glass of water and brought it to his lips.

Hermione brought her tongue to lick her lips. "May I have some water please Professor?" Hermione's honey eyes met the Professor's dark brown one's.

"Your eyes are brown Professor. I always thought they were black."

Severus rolled his eyes and handed Hermione his water goblet. "I have my mother's eyes. But I don't see why it's any of your business."

Hermione took a long drink of water. "I was just surprised since they seem black when we are in class. But now that I can see them I know they are lighter. Thank you for the water Professor." Hermione yawned and placed the water on the table next to her. "When can I see Harry and Ron?"

"Tomorrow; after they are done with class. I will let them know you are awake." Dumbledore stood up. "We will take our leave now and allow you to get some rest. I will let Mr. Malfoy know that you are awake so that he can stop by. Have a wonderful night."

Severus nodded and followed the Headmaster out of the room. Looking back before quickly shutting the door.

END FLASHBACK

"I remember alright" Hermione ran her hand on the side of one of the beds. "This was where Narcissa watched me take my first steps. You were sitting in that chair making sure your potion worked with out side effects and that I was fully healed."

"So if I am correct you still owe me a debt. And it would make me your owner until I see fit to let you go." Severus sat in the black armchair that Poppy had added when Hermione was still staying at Hogwarts. "And I don't feel like freeing you anytime soon."

"I wouldn't expect you would." Hermione walked into her office and took off her cloak. "I will need to see you within the next week for your physical."

"I never get a physical. Nor will I start now." Severus stood up. "You know where your rooms are. The password is set to Hogwarts after you speak it you will be able to change it to what ever you want. Do not forget to let the Headmaster know so that he can come and get you when ever you are need. Good Evening." Severus walked out, this time he didn't look back.

Severus rubbed his head; the students were due back within the month. And he was preparing his grade books for years second through seventh years.

"Severus I would like a word with you when you have minute" Dumbledore stood in front of Severus desk. It was the same desk he had when he was in the dungeons; he had the Filch bring it to his new office.

"What can I do for you today Headmaster?" Severus asked closing his grade book and getting up.

"It has come to my attention that you've have yet to get your required physical. I am afraid that if you do not finish all the requirements before Friday, I will be forced to have Professor Potter come and teach the classes until you have done so. Thank you for your time, oh and have a great day Severus." Dumbledore waved before leaving the highly pissed Severus Snape to his own anger.

AN: I will be working on updating my "The Lies That Ties Us Together" later in the week. My muse decided to start another story before working on that one.


	2. The Muggle Way of Life

AN: Here is the next chapter to Payback Thy Name is Muggle

AN: Here is the next chapter to Payback Thy Name is Muggle. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, if I was the seventh book would have been different.

"Miss Granger, can you tell me why you had to go running off to the Headmaster. Crying to him that I wouldn't get the damn physical?" Severus stormed into Hermione's office.

"Severus, first off it's either Dr. Granger or Madame Granger. I am no longer Miss. Secondly I didn't go off and tell Professor Dumbledore anything. All I did was turn in my papers and he asked why your papers weren't with the stack." Hermione stood up and through on her doctor's coat and put it on. "All I said was that you haven't had one yet, I never said anything about you refusing to get one. Professor Malfoy will be here in a few minutes. Now if you want to get it done, it's alright with me you just have to wait until after Draco leaves."  
Hermione closed her eyes and began to rub her lower back, "It's either going to rain or the temperature is going to drop."

"Madame Granger, are you in pain?" Severus asked walking towards her potion cabinet. "I can get you something for it."

"No, I'm alright at the moment. But give me a few hours then I'll probably take something for it then. My back just gets achy with the change of the weather or if I stand for long periods of time." Hermione nodded as Draco walked through the door.

"Just a minute Draco I need to pull out the paper work for Professor Snape." Hermione turned towards her filling cabinets. Opening the draw she needed she began, flipping through a few files, pulling papers out along her way. "Please have a sit Severus; these are the papers I need you to fill out so that I can pass them onto the Headmaster."

Hermione walked into the back room mumbling to her self. Severus watched her as she returned. She had put her glasses on, grabbed her wand from some where, and now had a clipboard with papers on them. "Please leave anything blank if you don't know the answer such as your blood type or your weight. I will fill it out for you." Walking out of her office she was pulled into a bear hug from Draco.

"Oh isn't it my favorite Mudblood." Draco smiled and took off his cloak. "How are we doing this today?

"For you Draco, since you are my favorite blonde Whumpy I'll let you have the muggle version. Now go behind the curtain, there should be a robe on the bed for you. I'll be with you in just a moment; I need to check on the Professor to make sure he is filling out the papers." Hermione turned towards her office, closing the curtain when she left.

"That was quick; I only got the first page done." Severus leaned forward his nose almost touching the paper.

"Severus do you wear glasses?" Hermione asked as she pulled out a pair of gloves from her coat pocket.

"No Miss Granger I don't and why would I need them." Severus looked up at her. "My eyes are perfectly fine."

"Severus if your face was any closer to the paper your nose would be through the table. Your getting older Severus, you might actually need a little help seeing the words. There is a pair of mine in the top drawer, all they do is blow up the words on the paper. Why don't you put them on, and when it's your turn I'll fix them for you. And the only time you need to use them is when you read, or grade essays." Hermione left the room walking towards Draco. "Are you dressed?"

"Why don't you come in and find out Hermione." Draco stuck his head out of the curtain. "I know you want to see me, Vickie has nothing on me Mia. I have the Malfoy charm."

Hermione laughed, "I'm sure Draco, and do not call me Mia again. Or you might never get to use your 'Malfoy Charm' again." Hermione walked into the room. "Alright; let's get started."

Severus waited; he was starting to get a little nervous about this whole physical thing. He could hear gloves being slapped, and Draco's mouth running. "Hermione that's freezing, do you ever warm anything up before you place them on people." Severus' brows knitted together. _What the hell is she doing? You don't even touch people when you give them physicals. Poppy never touched anyone. _Severus shook his head, "Hermione, my god woman your hands are freezing. Get them the hell off of me, do you hold ice in your hands when you're not working."

"Severus brought up something today that got me thinking." Hermione pulled her gloves off and threw them out. Pulling a pen out she began to fill out the paper work.

"And you think about that while your man handling me with your icicles that you call fingers?" Draco pulled his pants back on. "He may never live again, I hope you know that." Draco looked down at his crouch. "You may have killed him this time."

"Shut it Draco, your taking it a bit far don't you." Hermione shushed him, " It was about when I got injured."

**FLASHBACK**

Draco turned the letter over in his hand, checking the return sender. It was from his father, which was never a good thing. Normally it was a summons for him to return home for some reason or another.

"Malfoy, I have been calling you for the last twenty minutes. We have a prefect meeting to go to come on we can't be late." Hermione grabbed Draco's arm, just as he opened the letter.

Hermione landed hard, with Draco falling on top of her. "Where the hell did you take me Malfoy? Was this a scheme to get me to your father's house or something?" Hermione pushed Draco off her.

"Oh yes Granger I planned on taking you with me. If I did I would have grabbed you don't you think. For someone so smart your really stupid when it comes to common sense. Plus I have no idea where I am or why I am here." Draco fixed his cloak, pulling Hermione up off the ground he looked around. "Come on Granger I need to find out what's going on."

Hermione grabbed his hand, "Don't take this the wrong way Malfoy but can I hold your hand. It's not because I like you or anything, but I'm scared and I think it might help to know that there is someone here who knows me."

"Yeah fine, let's go already." Draco pulled out his wand. "Lumos. I think I know where we are Granger. And if I am right both of us are screwed."

"Draco what are you doing here, and why did you bring her with you?" Narcissa grabbed him by his shoulder and spun him around. "Listen to me, Go back your not safe here."

"Mother what is going on, why are you so out of breath?" Draco looked up at his mum.

"Your father feels that I have used up my usefulness and has no more need for me. What is she doing here?" Narcissa looked at Hermione, tears began to fall.

"Well she accidentally grabbed my cloak as I opened the letter father sent me; which activated my port key." Draco pulled out his handkerchief, and handed it to his mother.

"And she's holding your hand because?" Narcissa looked behind her as she wiped her eyes.

"I'm terrified" Hermione took a deep breath before bringing her eyes to meet Narcissa's. But I am ready to fight."

"NO. This is my fight and I will finish it." Narcissa pushed them both away. "Go back now."

"Mother we are here for a reason. Why would I leave?" Draco took his cloak off and pulled his wand from his pocket. "I was born a Malfoy. I know how to fight him. Go with Granger and I'll come get you when I'm finished."

"Malfoy you will not play hero." Hermione looked around grabbing Draco's hand again.

"Why Miss Granger why would I want to play hero when I'm the one you guys are after." Lucius asked glaring at Hermione. "You might want to specify which Malfoy you are talking about."

Hermione looked over at Narcissa, "Ms. Malfoy go we can handle it from here. Go call for help." She threw a fast stupefy hex at Lucius, catching him off guard and sending him to the floor.

Narcissa looked over at her son then her husband; she nodded quickly and began to leave. "Draco be careful, you too Miss Granger." They nodded quickly and turned back towards Lucius.

"Oh Draco, how pleasant to see you. And you brought a friend with you. Is that Potter's mudblood friend?" Lucius got up, "Are you the one that hit me?"

"Yes and I have more then that. Harry taught me a lot." Hermione looked around taking in the area. Eyeing the pillar that was next to where Lucius stood she leaned over to Draco. "Keep your father near the pillars I have an idea." She whispered quietly.

Draco nodded and sent some well aimed attacks at his father. Narcissa came rushing behind them a few minutes later. "Mother what you are doing back. I told you to leave." Draco's arm was covered in blood; a shard of a pillar had put a deep cut in his upper arm.

"I tried to connect Severus but he wasn't in his office. This is my fight I should be here for it." Narcissa blocked a curse quickly.

"Ms. Malfoy I am going to knock him down. I want you and Draco to aim all hexes and curses at the pillar next to him." Hermione throw stupefy at Lucius just as all the Malfoy's hit the pillars.

Hermione looked next to her to see the pillar begin to fall towards Draco and Narcissa. With out a second thought she pushed them both out of the way. Unfortunately, she landed on Narcissa's leg.

The pillar fell down and with a bone shattering blow landed on Hermione's lower back. Breaking her lower back, both her and Narcissa's right leg, and four of Hermione's ribs which bruised her spinal cord.

"Draco you must find Severus and quickly. Hermione's life is in grave danger. Us the floo and let Poppy know we are coming." Narcissa moved some of Hermione's hair from her face. She was in pain; she never had to deal with broken bones for longer then a few seconds. But for Hermione's sake she knew she must not move. "Draco go!"

Draco nodded at his mother before he got up and ran towards the main room.

Hermione opened her eyes, and began to cry. She was in too much pain to say much but she did manage to get a few words out in a really quiet voice. "I'm sorry I failed you." Just as she heard the floo activate again she passed out from pain.

**END FLASHBACK**

"I still can't believe what you did. For people that didn't even like you. I don't think my mum will ever be out of your debt as will I." Draco finished buttoning his shirt.

"Narcissa is one brave woman. Wasn't it like four days after it happened she hobbled over to the Ministry to change her name back? To this day I still don't understand why you haven't changed yours if you can't stand the Malfoy name." Hermione finished her paper work and looked up at him. "I would have."

"Well I really thought about it, but I realized the Malfoy name still scares people, mostly children. And now that I'm the potion's Professor I have a reputation to uphold." Draco smiled struggled with his tie.

Hermione smiled, "Always the charmer Draco, give your mum my love when you see her." Hermione opened the curtain, walking into her office she looked at Severus. "Alright Severus it's your turn. Please go behind curtain four and put the robe on I'll be with you in a few minutes, I need to file these first."

For one of the few times in his life, Severus was terrified.


	3. Severus' Toture Begins

AN: Alright it's time to torture Severus now

AN: Alright it's time to torture Severus now. I had a ton of things planned out for Hermione to do to him but at the last minute cut it down some. Only because I don't want the story to get too out of control like my other one is.

Disclaimer: I do not own anybody you recognize in this story. They all belong to J.K Rowling and I am just playing with them.

"Madame Granger I do not think I heard you correctly. You need me to do what exactly?" Severus asked walking towards the infirmary doors.

"I hope you're not trying to run Professor. I don't believe you need me to repeat myself either. It's not like you to not hear someone." Hermione picked up Severus' papers and put them in a new file. "All you have to do is strip down to your boxers or what ever you wear and put the robe on. It's not that hard, and I find that muggle physicals are better in the end."

Severus glared at her; of course she would say the muggle way was the best.

**FLASHBACK**

With the help of Draco and Professor Snape Hermione was now sitting in the living room of her parents. This was their first day back since her sixth year, now that the war was over it was safe for them to return home. Hermione was nervous, her parents had no idea what happened to her over the last year.

"Hermione did you know that it only takes me fifth teen steps to get to the restroom from here." Draco walked around amazed. "Or that your whole house can fit in my Grand Hall?"

"Yes Draco I do know, now would you sit your spoiled ass down. Your making me extremely nervous." Hermione's fingers began fighting with each other. Her eyes kept looking at the clock on the wall and the front door. _Any minute they can walk through that door._ Hermione thought again her eyes landed on the clock.

"Miss Granger would you like a calming draft? I brought a few of them just in case." Severus began digging through his pockets. "If I can just remember which pocket they are in." He reached into another pocket and pulled out three vials of a light blue potion labeled calming.

"Please Professor I think I need it. Let me make tea first, they are nasty with out something with it." Hermione wheeled around the living room and quickly slipped into the kitchen.

Draco finally sat down, a small white remote in his hands. Looking at it deep in thought as he tried to figure out what it was. "Do you think she needs help?"

"If you help her she will never learn to do it herself." Severus replied as he made his way towards the kitchen. Not to help but to supervise, incase he needed to step in.

Hermione spun herself around and looked at her Professor. "How am I supposed to get everything? Mum and dad are so much taller as it is."

"I believe a simple "Accio" might work." Severus smirked; he found it amusing that every time she went home she became such a muggle.

"Who the hell are you and why are you in my house." The stern voice of Jack Granger broke Severus' out of his thoughts.

"I'm Draco Malfoy; I'm one of Hermione's friends from school." Draco stood up and extended his hand. "You must be her father; it's a pleasure to meet you."

Jack glared at the boy. Hermione had told him about the Malfoy boy. "That doesn't explain why you are in my living room."

Draco dropped his hand and looked over at the Professor, his eyes asking for help.

"Miss Granger wanted to welcome you home. Consider us your welcome home party." Severus walked up to Mr. and Mrs. Granger, he extended his hand. "I'm Professor Severus Snape, I teach Potions at Hogwarts."

Jack took the Professor's hand, "Welcome to my house, please sit down. So where is my little Apple Seed?" Jack looked around; it wasn't like Hermione not to come running into the room, jumping into his arms.

"Mrs. Granger you might want to sit down before I go and help her." Severus looked at Jane waiting for her to sit down.

"Whatever it is I can handle it" Jane's arms crossed her chest. "Snape where is my daughter."

Severus glared at the Hermione look alike. "I will go and get her for you. She probably didn't hear you come in." Severus walked into the kitchen and looked down at Hermione, he handed her one of the vials. "Only a little I'm putting some in the tea. Draco could use your help, he's already ready to pee his pants. I'll grab the tea and follow."

Hermione took a deep breath, the potion began to work. "Alright let's do this." Wheeling herself into the living room she cleared her throat. "Mum, dad there was an accident."

**END FLASHBACK**

"I try not to make it a habit of having to repeat myself Professor. Get behind the curtain, I promise I won't hurt you." Hermione fixed her hair again; no matter what she did it would fall out of her clip by the end of the day. Placing her glasses back on, she looked over at the Professor. "I don't have all day; Professor Dumbledore needs to know tonight if he needs to hire Harry on as your replacement."

Severus took a deep breath he walked towards the examination room. Picking up the robe he rolled his eyes. "Could this robe get any smaller Miss Granger? I am well over six feet tall, and the robe you want me to wear will barely cover me."

"Do what you want, I don't care. And even if I said no you would do it anyway so why ask." Hermione shook her head as she placed gloves and anything else she needed into her pockets.

Severus smirked as he flicked his wand. He was happy; he knew he could still grate on her nerves and that she just fought back with him. Albus and Minerva would just try to get him to leave, or offer him sweets until he got pissed and left. Pulling the curtain closed he began to undress.

Hermione waited a few minutes before she carefully opened the curtains, her eyes clamped shut. "Are you descent Professor?"

"Just get this over with. I feel out of place and uncomfortable as it is. Hurry this up." Severus sat on the small bed with his arms across his chest. His pale legs looked like they were falling out of the bottom of the robe.

Hermione looked down at his feet, taking a deep breath she glared at him. "When I asked you to undress I meant your boots too. I have to look at your feet. Plus it's easier for me to weigh and measure you with them off."

"If you want them off so badly you can get down there and take them off. I do not wish to be measured and weighed like I am a Christmas duck." Severus looked down at the Doctor. "And yes I'm being serious."

Hermione glared back at him before a prefect smile appeared on her face. "Harry was right you are an ass." Shaking her head she bent down and began untying his shoes. "Why must you make things so much more difficult then they need to be?"

"I wouldn't be Professor Snape asshole to the Gods if I didn't now would I?" Severus' eyes closed as his toes curled up at Hermione's touch.

"So the big scary Professor Severus Snape is ticklish on his big feet." Hermione pulled his socks off. Grabbing her clipboard from the bed she began to poke his feet. "Do you suffer from backaches and headaches often?"

"What does that have to do with my feet Miss Granger?" Severus' eyebrows knitted together. He was quite confused how she knew that by just looking at his feet.

"That didn't answer my question." Hermione measured his foot and began to bend it in different directions.

"Yet you didn't answer mine either. Yes, ever since I have been teaching, actually ever since I came to Hogwarts I have been getting headaches. My back only hurts if I have to supervise more detentions then I give out, so I normally sit through them. Now how did you know that?" Severus' feet were getting cold.

"Because I'm a Gryffindor know it all remember." Standing up she walked towards her office. "Your not done yet do not move."

Severus waited for her return. He wasn't sure he really wanted to since he had no idea what the crazy witch was going to do next.


End file.
